When to have your Baby’s Bris, Naming and Welcoming Ceremony
February 2012
By Rabbi Shira Shazeer
When is the right time to welcome baby to the world and to the Jewish community? The answer can be complicated, and because birth is unpredictable, you can’t really plan it in advance. But you can be prepared to figure it out. So let’s start with the basics.
Brit Milah in Simple Circumstances
We know from the Torah that baby boys are traditionally circumcised on the eighth day after birth, and the tradition is to name the baby at this time in a celebration with family, friends and community. This means that if you had a baby boy on a Tuesday during daylight, he would be named and circumcised at a bris on the following Tuesday. Since the Jewish day starts at sundown, if you had a baby Tuesday after dark, the bris would be the following Wednesday.
The time of day when the ceremony is held is up to you and the mohel, but it’s most traditional to do it first thing in the morning, in order to do a mitzvah, a commandment, as soon as possible. Brit milah, covenantal circumcicion AKA bris, doesn’t normally happen at night, which is probably best for the parents. Having your ceremony in the morning allows you to spend less of the day nervously anticipating the procedure and more of the day observing that the baby is doing well.
When Brit Milah Doesn’t Happen on Day Eight
There are a few situations when the eight day might not be the right moment, or when it isn’t clear when the eight day is. How would it not be clear? Well, what about a baby born at dusk? You can always consult with a rabbi or mohel on when the right time is, but when the day is in the process of changing it could be unclear on which day the baby is born. Because brit milah can’t be done early, it is put off until the later day. So a Tuesday at dusk birth means a Wednesday bris.
The primary reason brit milah is sometimes delayed past the eight day is for the health of the baby. If a baby is premature, or is unwell and there is a concern that he isn’t ready to handle the stress of circumcision, it is put off until he is strong enough.
Shabbat and Holidays
The last complicating factor in determining when brit milah can take place is Shabbat or holiday. It is a testament to how highly Jewish tradition values brit milah that it traditionally takes place even on Shabbat, even though it involves work that would normally not be allowed. Most of the time, brit milah supersedes the concern for Shabbat. Most of the time, but not always. Not always, because the Rabbis determined that brit milah only supersedes Shabbat when it happens on time. If it’s not on time or we’re not sure, it is put off until Sunday. So in the case of uncertainty, like a baby born Friday at dusk, the bris can’t be Friday, because maybe it’s too early. But also can’t be Saturday, because if the moment of birth was actually Friday then Saturday is not “on time”, and so it gets delayed until Sunday.
The Talmud also talks about babies born at the wrong time. Without getting into the details of how the rabbis identified a mistimed baby, if the baby is believed to be born before it's natural time, the brit milah can’t happen on Shabbat. Today, this applies to births by cesarean surgery and induction. The reasoning is that without human intervention the baby would not have been born at that time. It could have been the following day or days later. In these cases the brit milah is delayed until Sunday as well.
What about Girls?
There is much less in traditional Jewish literature about welcoming, naming, and bringing baby girls into the covenant of the Jewish people. This leaves room for more flexibility, but also makes it harder to decide. Parents of baby girls have more options. Here’s an overview of some of them and some help deciding which is right for your family.
The Eighth Day
One possibility is to hold a welcoming, naming, covenant ceremony for your baby girl on the Eighth day, as you would for a boy.
Why do some people choose this option? The Torah doesn’t tell us anything about when to welcome girls, so we could conclude that the right time to welcome any baby is the eighth day. If as a parent you don’t see a significant difference in the way your daughter will be connected to Judaism and Jewish community than your son, than the eighth day could be a good choice for you. Another advantages of this option - you can tell your friends and family in advance that no matter what, you will be welcoming the baby a week after the birth and you hope they’ll be there. If you want folks to know that you’d like them there for a boy or a girl, an eighth day ceremony might prevent some of the “if it’s a girl we don’t have to come” mentality. Finally, if you choose not to reveal the name until the naming, this allows you to share the name after only a week of talking about “the baby”. Waiting to reveal the name adds suspense, and gives the sense that something powerful and real is happening at the ceremony.
Why do some people not choose this option? An eighth day ceremony does require you to be ready to go quickly. If you haven’t planned your ceremony in advance, planning it in your first week with a new baby can be pretty daunting. Some people also anticipate feeling really overwhelmed with a new baby, and decide that if they don’t have to, they don’t want to see so many people so soon. But think about it before you say decide against it. Being surrounded by your community, particularly if they know, or if you tell them, how to be supportive at this time can be a powerful experience. The other concern about an eighth day ceremony is that it may be an inconvenient day for people who work or would have to travel.
The First Monday, Thursday, or Shabbat
Some people name and welcome their daughters on the first Shabbat, or the first day when the Torah is read in synagogue after the baby is born, or the first Shabbat that the mother feels ready to attend services.
Why do some people choose this option? One of the traditional ways of naming a baby girl in Jewish community has been in a special blessing offered after the parents, or a parent, have an aliyah to the Torah. Some people will choose this because it feels traditional or because that is what their parents did. Some prefer it because it happens quickly and then the baby has an official name that can be shared. You may like the idea that it happens in community and outside of the family’s home, so the new mom and dad don’t have to entertain guests. But if they want, they can provide a nice kiddush or lunch for the community.
Why do some people not choose this option? One disadvantages of this option is that it may be harder to personalize. Since it happens within the context of a community service, parents may not have much say in how the ceremony goes. The rabbi will likely offer an opportunity for the parents to say a few words, and / or offer a blessing to their baby, but the whole ceremony will probably last less than five minutes. It may also feel stressful to be in services with a very new baby and to be able to depend on the baby being quiet and available at the right moment, though usually it works out just fine.
The Fifteenth Day
Why do some people choose this option? When the Torah discusses periods of purification after birth, the seven days after the birth of a boy are paralleled by fourteen days after the birth of a girl. Some people expand on this logic to determine the fifteenth day as an appropriate time for naming and welcoming a baby girl to covenant, parallel to the eighth day for a boy. This option has a lot of the same advantages as the eighth day option. It is easy for your guests to figure out and remember, brings supportive community into your life pretty early on, and has a basis in the Torah, and you could probably handle not revealing the name for two weeks. For some people the extra week feels like a reprieve compared to the eighth day ceremony and allows them to feel more ready.
Why do some people not choose this option? Again, two weeks may feel too soon if you’re worried about being overwhelmed or if your ceremony is not planned in advance, and your ceremony could be on an inconvenient day. For other people, linking the ceremony to the biblically ordained purification period doesn’t resonate or feels uncomfortable.
One Month after Birth
Why do some people choose this option? This is the time period when a first-born child would traditionally be redeemed from temple service. The Torah tells us that all first-borns (people, animals, fruit...) belong to God, and traditionally first-born Jews would have served in the Temple when it existed, except that the role was given to the Kohen and Levi tribe and instead people paid a nominal sum to redeem their first born. This tradition still exists but is less practiced in the liberal Jewish community today. Naming and welcoming your daughter one month after birth can be a reminder of this tradition, and also can feel like a significant milestone for parents. It gives a little more time to get used to baby, and for friends and family to plan to be there, but it still happens while the baby is a newborn.
Why do some people not choose this option? It may be harder for guests to remember or figure out when to come, and may still end up linked to an inconvenient day of the week. The timing may feel to early or too late or just not particularly significant.
Rosh Chodesh - The New Moon
Why do some people choose this option? There is a traditional connection between women and the new moon, the beginning of the Jewish month. Women’s monthly cycles come and go like the new moon, and in recent decades, Rosh Chodesh groups have grown into a tradition where women to connect to Jewish community and spirituality. It could be a fitting time to welcome a daughter. This option may give you a little bit more time to plan the ceremony, particularly if you don’t choose the soonest new moon. People who choose this may be looking for an option that is specifically feminine and has very positive connotations. It’s also traditional to say or sing hallel, a beautiful selection of psalms of praise, on Rosh Chodesh which seems appropriate for a new baby celebration.
Why do some people not choose this option? It may be hard for your guests to remember when Rosh Chodesh is, and it may be difficult to find one that falls on a convenient day. There isn’t a clear traditional reason to have a welcoming / naming ceremony on this day, though it is a nice day.
Whenever You Feel Ready
Some people wait to feel ready to have a celebration, to have time to plan it and invite people. You could choose a Sunday, or a Shabbat in synagogue that works for you, sometime down the road.
Why do some people choose this option? If you don’t know what you’re planning to do yet, if you’re nervous about being surrounded by a crowd, or if you think some of your most important guests won’t be able to come on short notice, this may be an appealing option. You may have more control over the process if you wait a while and spend time getting it just right.
Why do some people not choose this option? On the other hand, if you wait to be ready, it may never happen. Without a clear timeframe, it’s easy to put it off later and later and there is something anticlimactic about naming a toddler. Waiting too long, you could miss out on the opportunity to be supported by community in those first moments as your family is taking on a new configuration. Finally, when welcoming and naming girls is delayed, it feels to some families like too big a distinction between how we think about our sons and daughters.
There are advantages and disadvantages to each option. It’s up to you to make the choice that works for your family and the reflects your approach to Judaism and to parenting.
What about later ceremonies for boys?
The concerns that some new parents feel about being overwhelmed, or not ready to be with so many people so soon after a new baby are no less powerful when a boy is born than a girl. But most families feel like they have to have a bris immediately for a boy. My suggestion, if you want to welcome and name your baby early on, boy or girl, and you want to celebrate with lots of family and friends, but you don’t want to see them all a week after your baby is born, is to have two ceremonies. Do something intimate and meaningful in the first week. Have some people there, but not so many that you go far beyond your comfort zone. Then set a date, once you expect to be ready, but try not to wait too long, and do something else, a welcome to greater community celebration. It could be at your home, or at the synagogue, or somewhere else. There could be a lot of ritual or just a little, or it could be mostly a party.
When my first son was born we had a bris at home on the eighth day. I wouldn’t call it a small gathering, but then, I wasn’t anticipating feeling overwhelmed by the crowd. We were concerned about being able to include and celebrate with a wider community than would be able to be at the bris, and so, about a month later, we sponsored a kiddush at synagogue, had an aliyah to the Torah, spoke briefly about becoming parents and about our new baby, and shared our joy with the community.
However the timing works out for you, it will almost certainly affect and be affected by other factors of the celebration you are planning, the kind of ceremony, the group of people involved, what the event means for your particular family, and how you see the role of community. But those are all questions for another article. For now, B’sha’ah Tovah - may it be at a good time!
By Rabbi Shira Shazeer
When is the right time to welcome baby to the world and to the Jewish community? The answer can be complicated, and because birth is unpredictable, you can’t really plan it in advance. But you can be prepared to figure it out. So let’s start with the basics.
Brit Milah in Simple Circumstances
We know from the Torah that baby boys are traditionally circumcised on the eighth day after birth, and the tradition is to name the baby at this time in a celebration with family, friends and community. This means that if you had a baby boy on a Tuesday during daylight, he would be named and circumcised at a bris on the following Tuesday. Since the Jewish day starts at sundown, if you had a baby Tuesday after dark, the bris would be the following Wednesday.
The time of day when the ceremony is held is up to you and the mohel, but it’s most traditional to do it first thing in the morning, in order to do a mitzvah, a commandment, as soon as possible. Brit milah, covenantal circumcicion AKA bris, doesn’t normally happen at night, which is probably best for the parents. Having your ceremony in the morning allows you to spend less of the day nervously anticipating the procedure and more of the day observing that the baby is doing well.
When Brit Milah Doesn’t Happen on Day Eight
There are a few situations when the eight day might not be the right moment, or when it isn’t clear when the eight day is. How would it not be clear? Well, what about a baby born at dusk? You can always consult with a rabbi or mohel on when the right time is, but when the day is in the process of changing it could be unclear on which day the baby is born. Because brit milah can’t be done early, it is put off until the later day. So a Tuesday at dusk birth means a Wednesday bris.
The primary reason brit milah is sometimes delayed past the eight day is for the health of the baby. If a baby is premature, or is unwell and there is a concern that he isn’t ready to handle the stress of circumcision, it is put off until he is strong enough.
Shabbat and Holidays
The last complicating factor in determining when brit milah can take place is Shabbat or holiday. It is a testament to how highly Jewish tradition values brit milah that it traditionally takes place even on Shabbat, even though it involves work that would normally not be allowed. Most of the time, brit milah supersedes the concern for Shabbat. Most of the time, but not always. Not always, because the Rabbis determined that brit milah only supersedes Shabbat when it happens on time. If it’s not on time or we’re not sure, it is put off until Sunday. So in the case of uncertainty, like a baby born Friday at dusk, the bris can’t be Friday, because maybe it’s too early. But also can’t be Saturday, because if the moment of birth was actually Friday then Saturday is not “on time”, and so it gets delayed until Sunday.
The Talmud also talks about babies born at the wrong time. Without getting into the details of how the rabbis identified a mistimed baby, if the baby is believed to be born before it's natural time, the brit milah can’t happen on Shabbat. Today, this applies to births by cesarean surgery and induction. The reasoning is that without human intervention the baby would not have been born at that time. It could have been the following day or days later. In these cases the brit milah is delayed until Sunday as well.
What about Girls?
There is much less in traditional Jewish literature about welcoming, naming, and bringing baby girls into the covenant of the Jewish people. This leaves room for more flexibility, but also makes it harder to decide. Parents of baby girls have more options. Here’s an overview of some of them and some help deciding which is right for your family.
The Eighth Day
One possibility is to hold a welcoming, naming, covenant ceremony for your baby girl on the Eighth day, as you would for a boy.
Why do some people choose this option? The Torah doesn’t tell us anything about when to welcome girls, so we could conclude that the right time to welcome any baby is the eighth day. If as a parent you don’t see a significant difference in the way your daughter will be connected to Judaism and Jewish community than your son, than the eighth day could be a good choice for you. Another advantages of this option - you can tell your friends and family in advance that no matter what, you will be welcoming the baby a week after the birth and you hope they’ll be there. If you want folks to know that you’d like them there for a boy or a girl, an eighth day ceremony might prevent some of the “if it’s a girl we don’t have to come” mentality. Finally, if you choose not to reveal the name until the naming, this allows you to share the name after only a week of talking about “the baby”. Waiting to reveal the name adds suspense, and gives the sense that something powerful and real is happening at the ceremony.
Why do some people not choose this option? An eighth day ceremony does require you to be ready to go quickly. If you haven’t planned your ceremony in advance, planning it in your first week with a new baby can be pretty daunting. Some people also anticipate feeling really overwhelmed with a new baby, and decide that if they don’t have to, they don’t want to see so many people so soon. But think about it before you say decide against it. Being surrounded by your community, particularly if they know, or if you tell them, how to be supportive at this time can be a powerful experience. The other concern about an eighth day ceremony is that it may be an inconvenient day for people who work or would have to travel.
The First Monday, Thursday, or Shabbat
Some people name and welcome their daughters on the first Shabbat, or the first day when the Torah is read in synagogue after the baby is born, or the first Shabbat that the mother feels ready to attend services.
Why do some people choose this option? One of the traditional ways of naming a baby girl in Jewish community has been in a special blessing offered after the parents, or a parent, have an aliyah to the Torah. Some people will choose this because it feels traditional or because that is what their parents did. Some prefer it because it happens quickly and then the baby has an official name that can be shared. You may like the idea that it happens in community and outside of the family’s home, so the new mom and dad don’t have to entertain guests. But if they want, they can provide a nice kiddush or lunch for the community.
Why do some people not choose this option? One disadvantages of this option is that it may be harder to personalize. Since it happens within the context of a community service, parents may not have much say in how the ceremony goes. The rabbi will likely offer an opportunity for the parents to say a few words, and / or offer a blessing to their baby, but the whole ceremony will probably last less than five minutes. It may also feel stressful to be in services with a very new baby and to be able to depend on the baby being quiet and available at the right moment, though usually it works out just fine.
The Fifteenth Day
Why do some people choose this option? When the Torah discusses periods of purification after birth, the seven days after the birth of a boy are paralleled by fourteen days after the birth of a girl. Some people expand on this logic to determine the fifteenth day as an appropriate time for naming and welcoming a baby girl to covenant, parallel to the eighth day for a boy. This option has a lot of the same advantages as the eighth day option. It is easy for your guests to figure out and remember, brings supportive community into your life pretty early on, and has a basis in the Torah, and you could probably handle not revealing the name for two weeks. For some people the extra week feels like a reprieve compared to the eighth day ceremony and allows them to feel more ready.
Why do some people not choose this option? Again, two weeks may feel too soon if you’re worried about being overwhelmed or if your ceremony is not planned in advance, and your ceremony could be on an inconvenient day. For other people, linking the ceremony to the biblically ordained purification period doesn’t resonate or feels uncomfortable.
One Month after Birth
Why do some people choose this option? This is the time period when a first-born child would traditionally be redeemed from temple service. The Torah tells us that all first-borns (people, animals, fruit...) belong to God, and traditionally first-born Jews would have served in the Temple when it existed, except that the role was given to the Kohen and Levi tribe and instead people paid a nominal sum to redeem their first born. This tradition still exists but is less practiced in the liberal Jewish community today. Naming and welcoming your daughter one month after birth can be a reminder of this tradition, and also can feel like a significant milestone for parents. It gives a little more time to get used to baby, and for friends and family to plan to be there, but it still happens while the baby is a newborn.
Why do some people not choose this option? It may be harder for guests to remember or figure out when to come, and may still end up linked to an inconvenient day of the week. The timing may feel to early or too late or just not particularly significant.
Rosh Chodesh - The New Moon
Why do some people choose this option? There is a traditional connection between women and the new moon, the beginning of the Jewish month. Women’s monthly cycles come and go like the new moon, and in recent decades, Rosh Chodesh groups have grown into a tradition where women to connect to Jewish community and spirituality. It could be a fitting time to welcome a daughter. This option may give you a little bit more time to plan the ceremony, particularly if you don’t choose the soonest new moon. People who choose this may be looking for an option that is specifically feminine and has very positive connotations. It’s also traditional to say or sing hallel, a beautiful selection of psalms of praise, on Rosh Chodesh which seems appropriate for a new baby celebration.
Why do some people not choose this option? It may be hard for your guests to remember when Rosh Chodesh is, and it may be difficult to find one that falls on a convenient day. There isn’t a clear traditional reason to have a welcoming / naming ceremony on this day, though it is a nice day.
Whenever You Feel Ready
Some people wait to feel ready to have a celebration, to have time to plan it and invite people. You could choose a Sunday, or a Shabbat in synagogue that works for you, sometime down the road.
Why do some people choose this option? If you don’t know what you’re planning to do yet, if you’re nervous about being surrounded by a crowd, or if you think some of your most important guests won’t be able to come on short notice, this may be an appealing option. You may have more control over the process if you wait a while and spend time getting it just right.
Why do some people not choose this option? On the other hand, if you wait to be ready, it may never happen. Without a clear timeframe, it’s easy to put it off later and later and there is something anticlimactic about naming a toddler. Waiting too long, you could miss out on the opportunity to be supported by community in those first moments as your family is taking on a new configuration. Finally, when welcoming and naming girls is delayed, it feels to some families like too big a distinction between how we think about our sons and daughters.
There are advantages and disadvantages to each option. It’s up to you to make the choice that works for your family and the reflects your approach to Judaism and to parenting.
What about later ceremonies for boys?
The concerns that some new parents feel about being overwhelmed, or not ready to be with so many people so soon after a new baby are no less powerful when a boy is born than a girl. But most families feel like they have to have a bris immediately for a boy. My suggestion, if you want to welcome and name your baby early on, boy or girl, and you want to celebrate with lots of family and friends, but you don’t want to see them all a week after your baby is born, is to have two ceremonies. Do something intimate and meaningful in the first week. Have some people there, but not so many that you go far beyond your comfort zone. Then set a date, once you expect to be ready, but try not to wait too long, and do something else, a welcome to greater community celebration. It could be at your home, or at the synagogue, or somewhere else. There could be a lot of ritual or just a little, or it could be mostly a party.
When my first son was born we had a bris at home on the eighth day. I wouldn’t call it a small gathering, but then, I wasn’t anticipating feeling overwhelmed by the crowd. We were concerned about being able to include and celebrate with a wider community than would be able to be at the bris, and so, about a month later, we sponsored a kiddush at synagogue, had an aliyah to the Torah, spoke briefly about becoming parents and about our new baby, and shared our joy with the community.
However the timing works out for you, it will almost certainly affect and be affected by other factors of the celebration you are planning, the kind of ceremony, the group of people involved, what the event means for your particular family, and how you see the role of community. But those are all questions for another article. For now, B’sha’ah Tovah - may it be at a good time!
