Festive Milestone or Barbaric Abuse? - A Gray-Area Guide to the Circumcision Debate
July, 2011, Rabbi Shira Shazeer
Page 10
Page 10
It’s okay to feel ambivalent
No matter how much thought you put into the matter, how committed you are to your choice, how much support you’re getting from your family and community, or which way you decide, you may not feel totally certain deep down that you’ve made the right decision. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re making the best decision you can. This is most likely not the first, and almost certainly not the last decision you’ll make without certainty that you’re right.
Actually part of the power of the ritual of brit milah comes from the conflicted feelings parents have about it. It’s counter-instinctual to do anything that causes your baby pain. Why are we asked to do it then? I think it has to do with accepting the reality that no matter how much we would like to, we won’t be able to protect our babies from every hurt or danger that might come their way. I see it as being able to move bravely forward with confidence that our best will be good enough and that our babies are resilient enough to withstand the pain and the challenges that life will bring them, and one source of the strength they’ll need to do that will be the family and community that is there to support them from the very beginning, those surrounding them at the brit milah.
If you decide against circumcision, you may still want to mark the occasion of his first week by acknowledging the same thing. The baby will encounter pain and difficulty in life no matter how hard you work to protect him. Some of that pain may even come from interacting with elements of the Jewish community that take issue with your choice. He will need a special supportive community to strengthen him and get him through this and other challenges in his life.
In either case, because circumcision is a choice in our society, the shape of his penis will act, as it has traditionally, as a physical symbol of that choice and the values, intentions and understandings that inform that choice for you, his parents. As he grows you will help him understand what went into that choice, and can offer him the ongoing blessing of finding meaning in whatever life brings his way.
Actually part of the power of the ritual of brit milah comes from the conflicted feelings parents have about it. It’s counter-instinctual to do anything that causes your baby pain. Why are we asked to do it then? I think it has to do with accepting the reality that no matter how much we would like to, we won’t be able to protect our babies from every hurt or danger that might come their way. I see it as being able to move bravely forward with confidence that our best will be good enough and that our babies are resilient enough to withstand the pain and the challenges that life will bring them, and one source of the strength they’ll need to do that will be the family and community that is there to support them from the very beginning, those surrounding them at the brit milah.
If you decide against circumcision, you may still want to mark the occasion of his first week by acknowledging the same thing. The baby will encounter pain and difficulty in life no matter how hard you work to protect him. Some of that pain may even come from interacting with elements of the Jewish community that take issue with your choice. He will need a special supportive community to strengthen him and get him through this and other challenges in his life.
In either case, because circumcision is a choice in our society, the shape of his penis will act, as it has traditionally, as a physical symbol of that choice and the values, intentions and understandings that inform that choice for you, his parents. As he grows you will help him understand what went into that choice, and can offer him the ongoing blessing of finding meaning in whatever life brings his way.
